Testing the subscription service…

Hello everyone, I recently added the link “Subscribe to my blog” to the right.  I am testing it out with this post.  If all works as described, each person that subscribes will receive an email informing them of each time I add a new post.  Here goes!

Beginnings come when something ends

The change of year has occurred. 2009 has many mysteries in store for us all. For our household, we are in the midst of a few improvement projects. Ok, I’M in the midst of a few projects… Tony helps and is a good sport about the constant coating of dust on everything, plus the fact that he gets to share a bathroom with me until mine is back in tip-top condition. We had a tile floor installed a few weeks ago. It’s beautiful! So… to compliment the floor, the walls and ceiling must be painted… and then the tile in the tub surround will be replaced soon. The progress on the “baby room” has been very slow. I’m sanding off the popcorn on the ceiling and the larger nubs on the walls. If you’ve ever had the experience of sanding popcorn off a ceiling, you can understand that I have a feeling that I’ve bitten off a little more than I can chew with this project. It’s not for the faint of heart, nor for anyone wishing to stay clean. It’s actually made our entire house a cloud of dust. I’ve had trouble motivating myself to go stand on a ladder holding the sander with a mask and goggles on and sand, blink chunks out of my eyes, and sand, cough from the dust, and sand… I mean, I do that enough at work. So, I still get to finish the other 7/8s of the ceiling in there… and then we got Guitar Hero… and my number of excuses to not do anything in that room has quadrupled! LOL!!!

Our Christmas celebrations were all wonderful! Tony’s mom was very generous with us. As were all of our other family members… However, Pam was the msot generous of all. We left her house with a new laptop and a playstation3. I couldn’t believe her genero sity. I mean I’ve never had a christmas like that. Ever. Of course, every parent is different. And I’ve always been grateful for the gifts I receive. As I sat in Pam’s living room the Sunday before Christmas, everyone was doing other things. I was alone in the room by myself. I had my laptop in the box on my lap. I had my hand on it and started to cry. This was the first time in a long time, when I truly got exactly what I wanted for Christmas. And even though it was expensive, and effort was required to obtain it, she listened to me. She did whatever it took to make sure that I got what I wanted. There was no complaint about price. No snide comment about wanting something nice. No comment about what I wanted not being necessary… It was awesome. It was easy. And it’s okay for me to get exactly what I want from someone who is happy to get it for me. I felt really listened to. I felt important. I felt happy. There was no guilt. No thoughts of “well, it’s not exactly what I wanted, but it’s close.” Then we  had the wonderful opportunity to travel to my home towns for Christmas. I say home towns, because I lived in one for 15 years, another for 2 and the third, well, I guess I only lived there for like a year and a half, but my parents have been there for almost 11 years. We had a great time travelling around and visiting everyone. Sadly, our time is always short when we go home. Spending entire days with anyone is next to impossible. And lately, squeaky wheels have gotten grease… so to speak. We make sure we see people that express extreme desire to see us while we’re home. If someone doesn’t ask to see us, we usually don’t assume they want to. So, if you’re one of those people that wants to see us, let us know you want to see us. We’ll figure something out. It’s tough though. And for those who don’t live far away from home, please be conscious of the exertion, cost and general effort that it takes to travel, let alone long distances, and anywhere near the holidays. It’s crazy. Really. Part of us is looking forward to having kids so that everyone travels to see US. 🙂 Selfish, yes. I’m totally okay with that too. I’m becoming more and more okay with the idea of selfishness. Especially when it comes to travel. So, while we were at the St. Louis airport, the passengers of our flight were asked to voluntarily give up their seats in exchange for a few perks. So, we waited for the next flight and in exchange, received $370 each in travel vouchers! We’re so excited!!! My 30th birthday is coming up in a few short weeks…. scary… and to celebrate, we’re going to visit our most favorite american city, San Diego. From previous posts, you’ll note that we are planning to move to that general vicinity sometime in the next few years.

So, we’re a bit older, a bit wiser and a bit more prepared for life’s little surprises. Hopefully we’ll be expanding our family soon. I’m making good progress. And am feeling more and more confident with every pound I lose. I really like my life. I have an amazing husband. I have a nice home. I have parents that love me. I have friends that love me. I am truly a blessed woman. Sometimes… I forget that. Oh! And I’m celebrating 6 months smoke-free on the 7th of January!!! Woohoo!

The mysteries of life

I work with my dad. Most of you know this. He’s a great guy. He loves loves LOVES to make promises that are extreme, grandious, pie-in-the-sky. It’s his nature. It’s what he likes to do. His MO. Well, after 2 years he finally coughed up the cash and fulfilled one of those kinds of promises. Of course, it took me prodding him about it and saying that he had made the committment a long time ago and I’m simply asking if I can count on him or not. So, he begrudgedly handed me a wad of cash and said something to the effect of, “Happy now?” And I said, “Not really. I could have used this 2 years ago when you said you’d give it to me.” This begs the question, “WTF?”

Several years ago, in a far away land called Iowa, I was a student. I belonged to a sorority. I had a sister that was around my size. She always intimidated the shit out of me. We had a class together, but were never really friends. I have found her on Facebook. She’s looks amazing. I barely recognized her. She’s lost a LOT of weight and she appears to be very happy. I know she worked at staying active when I knew her. Now she’s half the size she was when I knew her. I KNOW it could not have been diet and exercise alone. How’d she do that? This also begs the questiong, “WTF?”

Finally, I’ve been having totally crazy dreams lately. Last week I dreamt that I was at a hangar with a table full of people discussing our next move on a project. There was a lawyer there. Her name is Emily. I knew her in Iowa. She was working for Children’s Miracle Network. She was one of those peole that you meet in life that just touches your heart. She was very easy to get a long with and I felt a kindred spirit kind of connection with her. Okay, back to the dream… She was some sort of high-powered attorney who had come in to turn the project around and get things on task. She was a little on the scary side… She’d gotten married. Her hands were covered with diamond rings. She had enormous diamonds in her ears. She spoke like it was natural for everyone to just do what she said. Then we adjorned the meeting. She and I were in the bathroom giggling like we were in Iowa again. The next thing in the dream was that I was flying a helicopter and it went down. It crashed into the same hangar where we had just finished the meeting. I frantically jumped out of the helicopter once crashed, and looked around for her frantically. I found her and carried her to safety… “WTF?”

So, last night I had this dream that I was at a conference with a bunch of women I have known throughout my life. One was on my high school swim team. Emily was back in the dream along with a few other women I knew in college. We were staying at a hotel. I had great conversations with everyone. Then for some reason I was covered in blood and being rushed to a hospital or something. And we were trying to pack to leave the hotel and all of my stuff was disorganized, so when I started looking for my purse that had my insurance card in it, I couldn’t find it. I also couldn’t find the camera I had taken with me (in real life, I can’t find my camera…). And then everything was fine and we were driving through west Texas in an SUV. The road had gates on it. We pulled up to the gates, they opened and we drove through some sort of factory where they were building planes. As we left the other side of the gates, there were a bunch of aircraft in the air, hovering… but they were airplanes… airplanes don’t typically hover… As we drove out of the gates, we all looked at each other and started laughing. WTF?

I have no idea what is going on in my strange little brain. I feel completely out of control and more than a little disoriented. I think it may be hormones. Or it could be resin fumes. Or it could be that Venus is in retrograde or something bizarre like that. Or it could be that I’m simply derranged. Whatever it is that’s going on, I’m sure there is a logical explaination. And if it’s not logical, well, then… life goes on. My heart keeps beating. I keep breathing. Time passes. I forget how unsettled I felt. I get happy again. With that I bid you farewell.

And the beat goes on…

Well we’re in a new month and approaching the end of the year quickly. I thought I should post an upadate on what’s been going on in my world the last few weeks.

As of yesterday, I’ve lost 8.6 lbs. My ego is so NOT okay with that. I was beating myself up last night in the car ride home from weight watchers and the gym. This is kind of what I was saying to myself in my head, “What the hell man? Get your shit together. I thought you were committed to having a baby. Guess not. How are you going to stay committed to a kid if you can’t stay committed to your own health and weightloss?”… etc. Yes. I could coach people on how to beat themselves up and turn them into pros too. I was on the treadmill walking/jogging and all I wanted to do was jump off and take a nap. I didn’t want to be on the treadmill. I didn’t want to be hurting. I didn’t want to be fat. I didn’t want to worry about points or when to eat what etc. I just wanted it to be easy. I wanted to be something I’m not. This morning I’m in a better place about the whole deal. I guess a really tough workout will do that to some people. Which was great. No complaints there! Yesterday I was talking with a young man that works with us through a company that we’re doing a project for. He’s young. He’ll be 24 in March I think. His wife is almost 25. Which seems really young to me now that I’m almost 30. Anyway, they’re trying to get pregnant. His wife is totally obsessed with it. Every time she takes a pregnancy test and it isn’t positive, she gets depressed and cries. He doesn’t know what to do to help her and though he wants a baby too, the whole roller coaster emotional thing is beginning to bug him. I did my best to keep my nose out of their business. I tried to give general examples of people I know that have tried for years to get pregnant who are totally healthy, have their lives together, manage their stress and are totally committed to their partners. Then I gave the examples of those that I know who ended up pregnant by accident. And though, I’m happy for them, it totally pisses off the aforementioned couples who have been planning and trying and waiting every month to see if this will be the one that changes their lives forever. Personally I’m trying to keep an open mind as to what will get us to our goal faster. Whether it’s hard work or it’s laid-back progress. I don’t really have an answer. Some days I look around and think, “whoa. a baby. that’s such a huge responsibility. I totally wouldn’t be laying on the couch all day with a  little one running around. I’m probably not ready yet.” And then there are others when I weap. Not all out cry, but weap a little now and then because the whole deal is so foreign to me. It seems like the goal is really far off in the distance. It’s almost incomprehensible that I will ever be pregnant. And I see pregant women that are happyily rubbing their belly as they pick out produce. Or I see a mom with a vehicle full of kids pile out at Target. Or I glance through the baby aisles at Target to see several bellies in procress of becoming the sleeping babies in carseats and eventually the little terror that is throwing things from the cart at their parent while screaming, and crying. And I go home to my house, that’s quiet, and think, “Really? A kid? Do I really want one of those?” And I look at the paint cans waiting to be opened. I think about how I only have 13 pounds to go before opening them. I think about how many many many hours it’ll take on the treadmill to achieve the goal of painting that room. And I sigh because even with a painted room, I’ll still be half way from where I want to be and it all seems so far away in that moment, and yet, around the corner when I inhale.

Much love to you all as the holidays approach. We have many things to be thankful for this year. Blessings and abundance to you!

Changing Seasons

I love fall!!! It’s my favorite weather. Not a lot of rain, sunny, warm enough but not hot, chilly at night, and the air just feels fresher. It totally reminds me of going back to school when I was younger… trekking up the hill toward the Pentacrest with a latte in one hand and a smoke in the other on my way to yet another lecture, sitting in the grass reading a text book that I had already read 3 times and didn’t understand a word of it… yet, a new beginning. Another semester, another chapter, another season. I think it’s amazing that for many, we go to school for close to 20 years, graduate, get jobs (that may or may not be what we went to school to get… I have a bachelor’s in Women’s Studies and I now work with my dad in a storage building making helicopter parts… yeah, not what I thought I’d be doing 5 years ago…) and we think that life starts after gradutation. Oddly enough I feel like I’m old enough to know better, yet, I still find myself longing for direction. Out of school, there are no advisors waiting to help and give their guidance. There isn’t another major to pick. It’s life. Every week you get to experience new and exciting things that you had no idea were possible.

I went to visit my new nephew a few weeks ago. He is beautiful. Oh. Sorry. Handsome… I got to spend some time with my brother and his wife and of course hold the baby. I’m pretty good at that. Holding the baby. I think I need a shirt that says “Official Baby Holder” or something silly like that! We had a nice visit, although way too short for me. My sister-in-law reminded me of the fact that they keep their lives pretty close to the vest. Meaning, she and my brother like their privacy and don’t really feel the need to share every detail with the world and that they like it that way. I got to thinking about that in the quiet moments watching my nephew sleep. I admire them (my brother and his wife) for being private about their lives. After all, it is their life, their decision whether they share or not. I can respect that. Then there’s the part of me that’s the little girl in the back part of my mind screaming at me that she’s important too and would have liked to have had a heads up about what’s going on with them. It’s kind of an innner struggle with my little girl’s ego. For some reason I thought that I would get privileged information from them. I guess I had a higher opinion of myself than was reality. I truly felt that if my brother wanted to be a dad, in even a little way, that he would tell me, or at least hint at it. And I defended him tooth and nail with my dad in conversations that my dad would end up screaming at me that my brother would be the best dad on the planet if he ever had a child and what was wrong with children and why didn’t he want one… etc. Hours. Upon hours of defending a decision that wasn’t mine to defend. Nor was it my job to justify someone else’s decision. And quite frankly, I could have defaulted and told dad to get off his high horse and call my brother and ask him a direct question, and be un-attached to the answer. Riiiiight. That’s like asking jello to support a boulder. Not gonna happen. Dad’s ego is too big. And I suppose mine has grown as well. Especially thinking that I of all people could keep a secret so huge that it would change the face of our family forever. I would like to point out that I am very good at keeping the very important secrets. Thankfully none, or at least very few of my blood relatives read this… I kept the secret that I smoked like a freakin’ chimney for 15 years. Never told one of them. I also never revealed to anyone in the family that there is an extra member that only 2 of them know about, and those 2 members are estranged… and not even included in family holidays, yet… it’s the one’s on the outside’s fault. If you get this great, if you’re totally confused and utterly flummoxed, don’t worry. I’m just venting. Anyway, the truly important secrets, I can keep them. I that’s my point.

Tony and I have joined Weight Watchers. Okay… let me tell some of how we got there… I have several friends from home that joined Weight Watchers months ago. Little did I know that they have been losing 10’s of pounds right and left. I talked to one of them the other night and she’s lost almost 60 lbs. another one has lost over 50. These are women that have been heavy for years. I have voiced concerns to them that I had about their weight, to the point that one of my friends didn’t want to see me when I was home because all I ever talked about was how I was worried about her health. Sorry sweetie. I’ve apologized for my actions years ago. I told her that I didn’t apologize for worrying about her. That I love her and want her to be around in 10 years. Anyway, they all started to lose all of this weight and I was like, hell if they can do it I can do it. Woohoo women rule! So, I talked Tony into going to the meetings with me. We go to the gym after the meetings and usually one other time during the week. The rest of the time we go seperately. It’s nice to have the time when I go with him, and it’s also nice when I get to go by myself. So far I’ve lost 6.6 lbs. I had lost more, but gained .6 because I totally pigged out for Tony’s birthday celebration… all of them… I deserved to gain weight. So, I’m trying to not beat myself up about it. I enjoy the practice of working out. I enjoy that when I’m done I feel like I’ve accomplished something. Plus every 30 minutes on the treadmill gets me just a little closer to being the happy, exhausted, overwhelmed new mom in the classic “new family” photos that seem to be arriving in my in-box in droves. I want a baby. Tony and I are preparing to be parents. Paying off old debts. Clearing out old ideas of what parenthood is and how it “should” look. Spending more and more time with kids. (*Thanks to those that trust us enough to let us take care of your kids and letting us practice!) We have a room that we refer to as the “baby” room. It’s empty. Waiting. I get to paint it as a reward for losing weight. It’s a non-food related reward. I have 14 lbs to go before popping the can lids open and going to town! Which is very exciting! And then I go grocery shopping. I see families with 3+ children trying to get the most food for their money and the kids running around the store, tugging at mom saying ‘can we get this? I really want this.’ while another is screaming and crying and yet another is calmly weathering the storm that is their grocery-shopping experience. And I think, I’ll do the grocery shopping at night when the kids are asleep so I don’t have to tread on the same path as that poor mom. But what if I do? Is that bad? I mean people do it every day. I don’t want to be the naiive new mom. I want to be prepared for the unpleasentries, and yet be able to appreciate the precious moments. I want to be the best mom possible. I know I will do the best I can with what I have at the time… that I shouldn’t worry about it… that everyone screws up… yada yada yada. I’m not even pregnant yet. I’ll have plenty of time to do that when I’m actually pregnant. And then there’s the whole, what if I don’t get pregnant concern. Yes. Many things to think about and be totally chill about. Yet… I still think about it. What’s meant to be will be and all of that.

Okay, I get to spend time enjoying my weekend now. Tony and I are taking some friends’ kids to Boo at the Zoo tonight! It’s going to be so much fun to play with the girls this weekend!

Back to life… Back to reality

So, we’re home. Finally getting the laundry done, floor vacuumed, sheets changed, re-acclimated to our time-zone. It’s nice to be home in a way. And in many others, I’d gladly go to U-Haul, pack up the essentials and hit the road. My husband, tho, he seems to think we need to tie up things… Not act so hastily… Be responsible… What? Naaaw. Where’s the fun in responsible? Just kidding! He’s right. I know he’s right. We can’t just disappear. So, we’re back to evaluating our current living situation. How things will change when we move. None of our parents know yet. So, if you have direct contact with them, please refrain from mentioning this:) Thanks!

I was talking with my mentor from college today. We have a rather amazing, strange and wonderful relationship. She’s younger than my parents, but older than my brother. She has 2 kids. One in college, the other in high school. She’s married. She’s brilliant. She’s actually the CEO of the Retail Jeweler’s Organization. She was an advisor at Iowa for Dance Marathon, the Greek system, a professor, volunteered on countless boards and committees not to mention that she was an advisor and leadership trainer for the Iowa Women’s Basketball team and the football team. To say she’s connected would be an understatement. She’s smart. She’s funny. She has plenty of money to pretty much do whatever she wants. And oddly enough, she and I have a lot in common. We have sort of a give/take/give/advise/kabitz/bitch/love/give relationship. When I was in college, I lived in Iowa City for a few summers. My last summer there, I landscaped the Petersons’ yard for them. I was bored in the evenings after work. So I’d go over there, pull up sod, pull up sod, sweat, get out all of my frustration and go home dirty and exhausted. Since then, the bushes, plants, trees, and flowers have matured and are incredibly beautiful. Mary calls me in the spring when the flowers bloom and when the rabbits won’t leave them alone. She calls to ask what kind of flowers those ones are that are open during the day in the summer… (day lilies hehehe). She calls to ask when to cut off the iris when they’re done blooming… etc. I guess in a way, I’m her landscape guru and she’s my life guru. Neither of us really know everything there is to know, but we pretend well and admit when we haven’t got a clue. When she was thinking about buying new furniture for her “4-seasons room”, she called me while in the store, describing the pieces and colors to make sure I’d be comfortable. LOL. Then, several years later, when she decided to replace the furniture in the guest room, she called me up to let me know that when I came to visit I would no longer roll into the middle of the guest bed because she bought me a new one! LOL! She’s hillarious. We always have the best time talking about whatever comes to mind at the time. I swear, if we could stay up long enough, we could talk for 24-hours straight. I miss her more than I miss just about anyone from my college days. She’s kind of a sister/friend/aunt/mom/co-conspirator/life-coach person. She’s very much part of my life and I’m part of hers. I think it’s so funny to visit and see her family, and they just treat me like one of their own. It’s great! We talked today and I got a good kick in the pants about moving. She was another voice of reality. Saying that just the idea of moving somewhere, planning, and talking things through, would be a great learning experience for both Tony and I. She has a point… much like Tony. So, I’m cooling my heels for now.

I love comments/feedback! Please post away!

Life changes in a moment.

It’s been a while since my last post. Mostly because we’ve been on vacation for the last 10 days. I would like to have had another 10 days, but alas, not to be.

Tony and I began our journey west on Saturday the 9th. We drove from our home to Phoenix, Arizona in one day. Let me tell you… it was one hell of a long day! We started out here at 6am our time and got there at 9:30 their time, which was actually 11:30 our time. Ugh. But our hosts were gracious and overjoyed to greet us! We stayed with some family friends that I’ve known forever, but have serendipitously missed during their visits to Illinois. Thus, I hadn’t seen any of them for 15 years! Crazy as it was, we picked up virtually where we’d left off, minus the whole being a teenager thing. Autumn and I stayed up until past midnight talking and comparing life experiences. It was amazing to reconnect with someone I had lost contact with for so long. We slunk off to bed, both exhausted and happy to be on vacation!

We met up with an old college roommate, Molly, while in town. We chatted, had pizza, then gelato, then a little later, wings and beer. I mean, we’re on vacation, we have to eat like it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Autumn and I                                                                          Molly and I

On Monday Tony andI went golfing for the first time together. Autumn has a friend who works at a local golf course andher friend hooked us up. It was the first time I’d ever set foot on a golf course to play. I’d been on one several years ago, but that was a charity thing and I was actually cooking bratwurst… nevermind. So, we golfed in the very early morning heat. After 9 holes we were hungry and hot andtired. We had second breakfast (inside joke) and proceeded to go shopping. We hung out andwe met Autumn’s boyfriend, Tim. And had a nice dinner that Anne and Walt (Autumn’s parents and our hosts) had prepared. We laughed and ate and drank Limoncello from their private stash. Yum! We said our goodbyes to Autumn promising that it wouldn’t be another 15 years before we saw her again. Tearfully I went to sleep remembering the last time she and I were together so many years ago.

Tuesday we went to In-N-Out burger for the first time! Both, Tony and I agreed, we would glady trade Whataburgerfor In-N-Out. Hands down. However, Tony was disappointed with their fries. I thought they were great andate most of them. As we were leaving Phoenix, we discussed whether or not we could live there. We decided that there was a possibility that we could given that we could keep the temperature in our house below 75. There was a lot to do around the area. We made our way to the San Diego area to visit our friends Kristene, Woody and their little girl Mina! We were ecstatic to get there! Tony was like a kid in a candy store on Christmas the entire ride there. Almost to the point of being annoying. I stress the almost part. I was excited to see them too. They lived like 4 miles from us and then they moved about 4 months ago and we miss them very much. It was great to go have dinner, talk over wine, then over coffee, then while grocery shopping. LOL.

We CRASHED when we got to the hotel room. Wednesday we got up andwent to the San Diego Zoo with Kristene andMina. Unfortunately Woody had to work. So, we entertained the ladies;) We had a wonderful time touring around, taking our time, watching the animals. Mina was a trouper! She did really well. I was impressed! We said goodbye for the evening and headed to the hotel. However, while getting ready for dinner a curious thing happened. I walked out of the bathroom and felt something wet drip onto my shoulder. I looked up to see water dripping from the door-jam. We started to pick up our things and move them to the other side of the room. Well, moments later, there was water dripping closer to the bed. So, we started taking things outside the room and putting them in the car. By the time we had everything out of the room, there was a steady stream of water coming out of the ceiling! Thankful to get things out of the room and be safe, we talked to the front desk andthey gave us another room. Oddly enough, I liked the second room better, plus they comped us a night’s stay. So, we finished getting ready and went to dinner in La Jolla. We had wanted to be there earlier, but with the water deal, we were totally late. So, we arrived at George’s On the Cove. The sun was juuust setting, though the sky was a bit cloudy. We put our name in andwaited for a table. In the process of waiting for our table, we had a drink at the bar on the upper level of the restaurant. Then we went to the lower bar of the restaurant, not knowing that there was a second level. We had a drink in the lowest level. Then, Tony asked the upper level how much longer it would take for our table and someone escorted him to a table on the 2nd level. But that wasn’t where we wanted to sit. So, we had another drink and were buzzed for our table. By the time we stumbled back to the upper level, we were feeling really tipsy. We had a great server, AMAZING!!! food and a beautiful view. We sobered up and went back to the hotel.

Thursday morning I got an email that my sister-in-law’s water had broken and they were headed to the hospital. So, all day, I was checking in with my brother. REAAAAllly trying to not be a pest, but wanting to know what was happening. Tony and I went on a 2-hour boat tour of San Diego harbor. It was a gorgeous day and the weather was perfect. Up to this point, it seemed like every time we walked out the door we were surprised at how AMAZING the weather was. We were told repeatedly that the weather was normal, and actually a little hot. We just giggled to ourselves:) We went to little Italy and had pizza at Filippi’s and the best canolion the planet! Hands down. That did it for both of us. We looked at each other and said, oh yeah, we could definitely live here. That was the theme throughout the rest of the trip. Comparing Dallas to San Diego andhow we were ready for a change. We met up with Kristene and Woody and went to a Moroccan restaurant. Wow. FABULOUS food. Great service. Just perfect. We went to the Gaslamp District and walked around. We went to Ghirardelli for dessert andstopped at a wine bar for a while. It felt normal to be there, walking arounda beautiful city with them!

  

Friday morning called andalong with it a phone call from a very tired and very happy brother. He is now a dad. His son’s name is Zackary Robert Foster. More on that later…. Brian andJenn had arrived! We met up with them and we went to lunch in La Jolla. Since we were soooo close to the sea, we had sushi. Duh. We walked down to the water, did a little shopping, did a little drinking and munching. We drove back to our hotel and dispersed. We regrouped at Kristene and Woody’s later for the first of several parties for Mina the Birthday Girl! It was great! Just hanging out, laughing, talking, eating, drinking, talking, eating cake, laughing some more. It felt like home. Like all of the pieces fit. As though nothing in the world could ever be better than that, in that moment. While everyone was catching up, I took a few moments to check my email. Suzy, my sister-in-law’s sister Shelly had emailed me pictures of my new nephew. As I opened my email, I was thinking about how life changes so fast. One moment, you’re a married couple waiting for something and in the next, everything you thought life was changes. A little person opens their eyes for the first time andjust the presence of them takes your breath away. I looked at the pictures of my nephew for the first time and sat there and cried. Every picture more precious than the last. Could this really be my brother? A dad? Really? The whole scene was so foreign to me. I’d always thought of him and Suzy as mine. That I was sort of theirs. Andnow, I wasn’t. Not that I ever really was to begin with, but I always felt like I had a claim to them. And now, there’s someone new. Someone so beautiful and perfect and brandnew. I was overwhelmed with joy and appreciation. Zack is a very blessed little boy.  

I sat there andcried a little longer, going back through the pictures again to make sure I’d seen them all. I thought about how much I want to be in those pictures. With our baby. Happy and exhausted with a little piece of me andmy husband to hold in my hands and say, “Isn’t my baby beautiful.” As I signed out and walked outside to the rocus party in the backyard, it took me a while to acclimate. I was rather quiet for the rest of the night. I don’t know if I could have put into words how I was feeling at that moment. Even now, I’m crying remembering it.

We got up on Saturday and headed to the beach. We wound up in Coronado on a beach that Kristene and Woody had been to. It was gorgeous! The sand was so soft and there were flakes in the sand that made it look like gold when the sun caught it just right. We waded in the water, walked along the beach andwent in search of food. As a group we were not willing to pay $20 for a sandwich, so we ended up at In-N-Out burger. Which was just fine with me! Another excuse to have a scrumptious milkshake, of course!

We then got ready and went to Mina’s birthday party. Honestly, it was unlike any other 1st birthday party I had ever seen! There were tables, chairs, caterers, a sound system, an enormous cake, mountains of food, people flowing in, dancing, singing, laughing, talking, (some of us were drinking) having a wonderful time celebrating a phenomenal little person. Mina is so special to Tony and I. To be able to share her first birthday with her and her family was a very exciting occasion. We were there the night she was born. I remember holding her for the first time and saying to her, “Welcome! We’re so glad you’re here! I’m Beth. Tony is my husband. And we promise to spoil you as much as we possibly can for the rest of your life. You have wonderful parents who have waited a long time for you. They love you very much. Be patient with them and the rest of us. We’re new at this.” And crying as I held her.

First time I held Mina.

To see her dancing and enthusiastically eating her chocolate cake, was truly a moving experience. Her uncle Jedd played the guitar and his friend Elle sang Mina her lullaby song, Bubbly. I was crying the entire time. Then, it was Jedd’s time to say the blessing and he looked right at Mina, held her hand and said grace. It was awesome. We had a wonderful time. 

                    Mina and Mommy at her party!

Tony and I went back to the hotel, changed clothes and went back to Coronado. We walked along the beach for a while and then laid down on a blanket and watched the stars and clouds. It was as though everything there, was made just for us, right then.

Sunday morning we got up and went to brunch. Wow what a spread! Anything I could have ever wanted to eat, right there. And they brought me champagne too! We laughed and referenced inside jokes andwere, as usual, the loudest table in our section! We went to the church, watched Mina be baptized, withTony as one of her God-parents. It was a very special moment for both Tony and I. More for Tony than for me, after all, he is one of the God-Fathers. Mina’s so lucky she has 2! I was totally reluctant to go. Just 5 more minutes. Ooooh… just 1 more minute to hug and kiss our friends and then we were gone. Headed away from our oasis. Our solace. Back to reality.

The trip home was rather uneventful and very long. We made great time and got everything done just the way we wanted it to. So, Thank you to all that were there for having a hand in our magical experience. We’re so blessed to have you as part of our lives.

I need to go now. I’ll write more later.

Random acts

About a month ago I quit smoking. This lead to many unpleasantries. One of which was an upper respiratory infection. After 2 rounds of anti-biotics and lots of rest I’m finally feeling somewhat normal again. Because I’ve been under the weather, I have been camped out on my couch or bed for the majority of my non-work, waking hours. Last night, I got to go out to a movie with my friends Kim and Katrina. We had fun! We all had junk food, and passed it between us liberally! We saw Mama Mia!!! If you haven’t seen it… GO. It’s a musical. Just so you know. It was fun, uplifting and beautifully done! Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson were the directors. Fabulous fabulous job! I felt very filled up. I had needed time with them. Like I said, it’d been over a month since I’d seen them!

So, as I’m driving, I noticed it was 79 degrees outside! So, I opened the sunroof, rolled down both windows, turned off the air conditioning and felt the “cool” breeze as I drove. It was wonderful! I was in a very relaxed, yet very aware of my driving, happy place. As I neared my exit for home, I heard a car approach me on my left side. I vaguely remember seeing something fly into my car, yet, I felt it pelt my face. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it hurt! I looked at the car. It was a 4-door, red Saturn. The license plate was something like C37 Y99 or something pretty close to that. They zoomed over into the left lane, turned off their lights, they happened to have exited my exit, took the U turn and headed back onto the highway in the opposite direction. Appalled, hurting and ANGRY I called 911. 911 transferred me to the North Texas Tollway Authority. I spoke to 3 different people there. Gave them all the description of the car and what I could remember of the license plate. The lady had the nerve to berate me for not having remembered the license plate number. I said, Lady, I’m driving. I can’t write it down. How irresponsible would that have been? She said, ma’am, please calm down. WTF. I’m randomly attacked, I’m asked the same questions by 5 different people, by the time I hung up I was more upset than when I had called. She asked me if I wanted to talk to a trooper. I said no. I want the troopers to be looking for those little jerks not coming over to my house and talking to me about it. So, when I got home, I saw eggs. Broken eggs in the floorboard of my passenger seat. I started cleaning it up right way. I cried most of the time I was cleaning. I was hurt that this had happened to me. I was trying to be responsible for my reaction, but, damnit, I was really mad! Can you imagine, what my car would smell like with eggs in it after sitting in the Texas sun for a day? Good Lord!!! Awful doesn’t even begin to describe it. As I was finishing up, I realized I probably should have taken pictures before I commenced clean-up, but I was so upset and thinking about what would happen in the heat, that I didn’t think about it.

My loving husband woke up, it was after midnight, and listened to me vent. He held me and kissed me and said he was glad that nothing major happened. Me too. I’m still tired. I don’t sleep much anymore and last night didn’t help the situation.

So, that’s my story from last night. I must go to work. Love to you all!

Thoughts from today

I work… sometimes… My husband would agree that I frequently skip work. Lately, it’s been extremely hot. I mean, really… I don’t get up early in the morning saying “Yay! I can’t wait to go to work and breathe hot, humid air all day and have sweat dripping from every oriface of my body!” Hard to believe. I know. One of the good parts about my day today was that my dad, who is also my boss, was in a good mood. That usually makes the day go A LOT faster! I’m half way done with a very complex project! Tomorrow I’ll work on it some more and hopefully be ready for the final stage by the time I leave tomorrow night.

When I got home from work, there were messages in my inbox from friends that are excited to see me in the next week or so and wanting to plan what we’re going to do when we’re together!

I went to play softball tonight. I didn’t get to play, which was fine with me. My breathing has been kinda labored and difficult when I’m running. I end up having to stop and cough a lot. I do not understand why I’m coughing so much. Hopefully the ear, nose and throat doctor will have some insight when I see him on Tuesday. Anyway, so it started to rain while we were playing the game. It felt really nice! Especially since it’s been so hot and dry lately! On my way home, I saw a double rainbow!!!! It was beautiful!!! I took pictures of it. Yeah. I know. A little on the cheesy side, but hey, it doesn’t happen much around here!

I came home, had a little gelato… shh don’t tell Tony… there’s still some left… LOL! And turned on one of my FAVORITE shows! Baby Borrowers!!! OMG! I love this show! The teens that are participating in the experiment are so expressive and real about their experience. I’m really glad that the producer didn’t edit out all of the trials and tribulations of being a parent. Tony of course doesn’t like it. He says he’d rather wait until we have a child than to see how bad other ones are and live in fear:) Which of course I think is hillarious! Every kid is different based on how their parents are with them. Which brings me to another point….

I read a friend’s blog today that discussed the benefits and drawbacks of allowing children under the age of 2 to watch TV. So, I’ve been thinking about it from my own perspective. I plan to do the best I can with what I know at the time as a parent. I know that many people that are yet to be parents say things like, “My child will never eat sugar!” “My child will always wear a helmet!” “My child will never throw a tantrum like that at a restaurant/grocery store/mall/etc.!” “I will always be patient with my child.” “I will never yell at my child.” The list goes on and on. From my perspective, as a non-parent, that’s all well and good to think you’ll be the best parents ever, but come ON! Honestly, parents screw up at some point. They don’t mean to. It’s not intentional (most of the time). They do the best they can. As far as the TV thing goes, I see both sides of the issue. On one hand, I get that kids need to become aware of their environment and learn things by trying them out, and feeling them, and taking things apart and be stimulated. And on the other, sometimes a parent just needs 20 minutes to get dinner finished, or maybe go to the bathroom, or shower, or something and they turn on the TV to keep their child occupied and safe while they do normal things. What I have a problem with is kids watching TV ALL day. Come ON people! These are little kids! Do something with them! Get them outside. Go for a walk. Sing a song. Finger paint. Color. Have them sort clean laundry. Have a race with them to see who can pick up the toys fastest. Be creative. Collect bugs. Play in the sand. Play in the dirt. Wear them out! The more their worn out, the better they’ll nap, the happier they’ll be, the more amicable they’ll be to go places with, etc. I am of the opinion that far too many kids rely on external sources for entertainment. Perhaps I’m a hypocrite because I’m a huge fan of my computer. It’s almost attatched to me. I do get up and do things. Any way… back to the kid thing… I think it’s really sad to hear a kid say there’s nothing to do because there isn’t a computer or a TV around. Imagination is what has made this country great. What has brought new ideas and things into our world. I think we as non-parents, future parents and current parents, could do ourselves and the next generation and big favor if we just stay involved with them. (Bowing and stepping off the soap box)

A day in the life and a little history

I’m almost half way through my 29th year and am barreling toward 30. Today, in fact, is my best friend from high school’s 30th birthday. When did that happen? When I was young, like many starry eyed teens, I thought by the time I was 30 I’d have at least 2 kids, a master’s degree, have been married for 10 years, have a huge house with expensive cars and go on vacation every other month. Hello? Really not happening. I have a couple of my goals knocked out. I got married a little over a year ago in a park, in the rain with 4 people with me and my husband. We had the big hooplah wedding in November 2007. We have a beautiful home. We do drive relatively reliable cars. We have 5 “kids”. Of course they all have 4 legs and tails.

Now, we’re dicussing having kids. There are so many things to think about in regard to having kids. I always knew that I wanted to have a big family full of beautiful little people that looked like me and my husband running around, having fun, and of course well behaved:) We’ve kind of hit a snag. It’s not a huge one, but one that is somewhat of a challenge.

In 2001 I had surgery to remove a cyst from my right ovary. At the time I was 22. I was advised by my doctor that it was a possibility that my ovary and possibly my entire reproductive system may need to be removed. I was beyond crushed. All I ever really wanted to do was have kids. And when I didn’t have them, I would continue to do things for accomplishments waiting for the day that I would be a mom. The surgery was 7 years ago… almost to the day. Wow. Looking back on that time in my life, I resolved to never be in that position again. Thankfully, I have been surgery free since! With the surgery came a totally new lifestyle, eating habits, sleeping habits, drinking habits (I was in college after all), etc. I did make great progress.

Over the years, I let things slip here and there. Eventually I realized that I had gone back to the way I had been just before going under the knife so many years ago. I take anywhere between 4 and 8 pills twice a day every day. My doctor is amazing. He actually listens to me and is very accommodating toward my lifestyle and what my goals are for the future. I was diagnosed with Poli-cystic Ovarian Syndrome at the time of my surgery. Many women with PCOS have difficulty getting pregnant but don’t know why until they start to try. Thankfully I’ve known for many years, so I know it’s not that traumatic. However, I have learned a lot about what can go wrong, all the complications with pregnancy and having PCOS, etc. Right now my doctor and I are focusing on getting my weight down. He wants me to get pregnant, but to have a “take home baby” as he called it:) Sure I can get pregnant, but what good is it if I don’t get the prize at the end? So, I have 30 pounds to go so that both the baby and I will have a safe journey through pregnancy. I’ve lost 12 lbs already. So, progress is being made! 8 more pounds and I get to paint the “baby” room!!!! I’m SOOOOO excited!

I bought the paint a couple of weeks ago(I have a tendency to be very impatient. I come by it honestly, my mom and her side of the family were great teachers! I love them!). We had an issue with the window in that room though. A few weeks ago, Tony and I selected the type of window we wanted to put in. We ordered it, it came in, Tony and our friend Bri put it in, it’s great, it’s multi-functional, and most importantly, it has cooled the room off tremendously! Okay, back to the color… Tony and I decided that greeen would be a great neutral color for either a boy or a girl and we could accent it with blue, yellow, orange, pink, purple, etc. as the gender required:) Which of course is very exciting for both of us. Tony REALLY wants a boy first. I want a girl first. I mean, older sisters are awesome! I never had one, neither did he, so I thought, let’s start our family out with something new! This all lends itself to the fact that either way, we will be ecstatic to have a little person to share our lives.

I suppose this is enough for an initial entry. I have no idea. If you have questions, comments, or whatever, please feel free to post!